When I was a little girl I had no idea what the word "consumer"meant. I was a great reader and would read anything I could get my hands on, whether it be cereal boxes, shampoo bottles, the occasional book, and as it so happens, pillow tags. One night, as I was trying to snooze I realized that my pillow tags were driving me to the very brink of insanity. I have always loved my sleep, and these pesky tags were inhibiting my slumber. So, I did what any young girl who valued her beauty sleep would do, and I cut them off. This is when I realized the extent of my folly. I noticed these tags had some printing on them, so, of course, being the reader that I am, I read them. What I read sent chills down my spine and made me break out into a cold sweat. I read these very disturbing words: "Under Penalty of Law This Tag Not To Be Removed Except By the Consumer." What did that mean? What's a consumer? Penalty of Law! That is huge! My dad is a cop and I knew not to break the law. I knew it from the top of my head to the soles of my feet that the law was to be obeyed, and obeyed to the letter. What had I done? I imagined the FBI showing up at my house, flashing their badges, and searching my pillows to see if the tags were still on them. Worst case scenario, the SWAT Team breaking through my window and demanding to inspect the tags. I knew all about the SWAT Team, those guys meant business. Clearly, I was trapped in an overactive imagination and I was doomed to spend time at the point of the mountain for violating the law. Would they go easy on me because I was a juvenile? Maybe? Maybe, if I saved the tags, and showed them to the police when they came, would they let me off with a warning? Yes, that is what I will do. I will save the tags for a moment just like that. Then they will go easy on me, maybe I will just get probation. So I did. I stacked them together and stuffed them under the corner of my black trunk. I added to them throughout the years and as I grew, I knew that I would be safe. And when I moved away from home I uncovered a stack of pillow and mattress tags and I wondered....Should I take these with me?
Oh, I am also in search of the perfect pair of red high heels - black cherry not bright red, pointy toed. Because red shoes just make you feel sassy. And these are the random things about me for today.
7 comments:
That is hilarious! Just the other day my oldest asked me what a consumer was. Maybe he has been reading his pillow tags too!
I remember you telling me that. Jeff and I have had a few good laughs about that, at your expense of course.
The best part is the fact that you kept all of the tags for verification! Funny. All my pillows still contain "the tags".
you are too dang funny!!! have you tried forever young (i think) in university mall? they usually have really cute pointy toe shoes.
You are the best. I love reading your blog.
I saw some cute red heels at Target not to long ago. I love Target. Hope that helps.
(head shaking) Pillow tags. and to think I was the family's rebel. It was you all along and I never knew it. lol. I too would love a pair of red shoes. boots, heels, whatever, as long as they are red!
i have to confess, that i often wondered if cutting off those tags would get me in trouble!! i think i worried about it into my teens!!!
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