Rules...

We have several rules in our home as I am sure many of you do as well.  They include things like "Don't talk to strangers," "Never pick up hitchhikers" (that's Kerry's rule), "always sit with your knees locked when wearing a dress" (that's a big rule), "Wash your hands a lot, especially after going potty," as well many others.  I have another set of rules when it comes to cleanliness.  Santa never comes to a dirty house, the Easter Bunny avoids dirty houses like the plague, and most importantly we never, EVER go on vacation with a dirty house.  Ever.  My reasoning is simple.  Let me illustrate:  A small family of five goes on a vacation to Disneyland.  The family packs up, undertakes the long journey, and halfway to their destination BAM! out of nowhere they are hit by a drunk driver.  The family is hospitalized with various injuries and cannot take care of things at home.  Enter the Relief Society.  Everyone knows how good Relief Society women are.  They are ever ready, ever waiting for the phone call asking for assistance.  Buckets of cleaner in hand they arrive at the home of the unfortunate family and are greeted with this:

And this:
"Oh, Oh My.  What kind of havoc did that horrid child inflict on this bedroom," one sister cries.  "Poor Natilie.  She must have her hands full with those kids," another replies.  And in their unselfish, non-judgemental way they clean my house from top to bottom.  They whistle while they scrub my bathrooms, and they wonder why my Dyson vacuum cleaner looks so new?  They finish going through my kitchen cabinets looking for supplies, and fold all of my laundry....At this point I must end my story because I am breaking out in cold sweats.  Can you imagine the horror?!?!?  Someone who you know, but don't know well, going through your house?  All of your filthy dirtiness exposed to the world?  An older woman clucking her tongue at the dust in the windowsills, and wondering when the last time you washed your windows was?  It was last year, okay!   So with this scenario at the forefront of my mind I undertook the pre-vacation clean.  It is a little different from the everyday clean, or the spring cleaning purge.  It is the "If we die, who will see what" kind of clean.  I started in Jake's room.  He is the most willing to help and his room needed a good gutting.  After several trips to fast food with Grandpa which resulted in various and numerous junky toys, school and art projects (that we just have to save), Easter candy wrappers, and birthday fodder his room was crying out for attention.  We started out together.  I pulled everything out of the closet, Jake took under the bed and we worked our way out.  We sorted toys into bins, organized dresser drawers, and I had a little "trash pile" that just kept growing and growing.  

At this point I say, "Do you wanna watch a movie?" 

Jake: "Right now?"

Me: "Sure.  I will get the rest of this."

Jake: "That's the nicest thing anyone ever done for me!"

Me (in my head): "It's almost too easy!  Ah, Hah, ha, ha!"  

At this point I go and retrieve a garbage sack and fill it.  That's right, it was full.  And then after a thorough dusting and vacuuming we get this:
You can't tell from the picture but it looks much better.  Jake has a thing with lining trucks up under his bed, and I could not bring myself to throw away his rock collection, which I despise by the way, because I knew the wrath that action would bring.  He is very protective of his rocks and the art gallery on the wall.  Anyway, at this point I hide the garbage sack in my bathroom because I don't want him to see me taking it out.  BIG MISTAKE.  A couple of hours later Jake comes stomping out of my room demanding to know why I threw away this and this and this and this.  I was caught.  Exposed in my deceit.  He knew the dastardly deed I had undertaken while he was kicking back watching the movie.  And so I caved.  He got to keep a pirate skull.  The others went back in the trash, and I silently cursed my folly.  My kids are obviously smarter than I give them credit for.  Regardless, one room down, several to go.  Now some of you may think that this is a little crazy, I mean all this effort, just to avoid the Relief Society?!?!  And I say YES.  I love the Relief Society.  I have been a member for a long time and plan on staying for a while longer.  I ADORE the women in my ward.  I think they are lovely.  But I absolutely do not ever want them to have to clean my house.  They have their own houses to worry about and I do not think I could handle the exposure.  That being said, I do not mind helping others clean theirs, I just prefer that they don't clean mine.  That's my opinion and I am entitled to it.  It's one of the perks of being an American.